Catherine News

May 2014 Newsletter

May 2014 Newsletter

Vol. 448 No. 881

Happy May you be happy:

I love Hump Day. Now, forget the camel for a moment: something really cool you want to LOOK AT right this minute: Go to this web site now:  You can bid to have lunch with me in Sausalito (Yep, I'm only paying for lunch, forget the private jet, that's a myth), you can bid to have a lunch with J.T. Ellison and me in San Antonio (again, no jet, probably Mexican) on July 26th and you can bid on my books as well as others and get them autographed. Plus, there's a gazillion other great things you can bid on and ALL proceeds go to support  juvenile diabetes research. So you can get stuff you really like and you earn both virtue and non-sucky karma points.

April 2014 Newsletter

Catherine Coulter April 2014 news

Vol. 330  No. 110

Gorgeous April:

No more melt-in-your-socks deep snow, no more bone-rattling winds, no more stick-your-tongue-to-the- flagpole ice storms,  no more Valentine's Day zero-calorie chocolates -- nope, all gone and now what?  Flowers and bright sun and stray thoughts of wild and crazy things you wouldn't tell your mother even now -- it's Spring and it's time to be thankful and rejoice the sun doesn't go down until after 8:00 at night and isn't that wonderful? And to top it off chocolate Easter bunnies are at this very moment hopping out of the forest headed for your basket -- we're talking solid chocolate here, not those wimpy hollow bunnies.

March 2014 Newsletter

March 2014 Cats

Vol. 773 No. 444

Happy St. Patrick's Day:

      So who actually drinks green beer, eats green mashed potatoes,  and sticks on tattoos of shamrocks all over their body? Or leprechaun tattoos on the butt? If you say yes to any of these, I will send you the Irish Wonker Fairy, maybe you two can out-green each other. (The IWF loves green toenail polish, just a heads up.)

February Newsletter 2014

Vol. 773 No. 002

Happy Valentine's Day:

     CHOCOLATES! My very own 2-pound box of CHOCOLATES. What a glorious day, set aside specially to stuff truffles in my mouth without guilt. Add a funny card, maybe a Mexican meal out, and I'm a deliriously happy camper. What could be easier and more satisfying? No male half of the equation has to work too hard to earn big points and, yes, big scrumptious smiles, etc.

January Newsletter 2014

Catherine Coulter January 2014 news
Vol. 1900 No. 3579
Happy New Year:

Yeah, so it's a little late, but get into the rhythm with me -- it's now 2014 and we're all getting used to writing it. Fact is, I always felt uncomfortable writing 2013, like it was a Friday and bad luck was always lurking around the corner, like ladders lying in wait, maybe one of them evil, or a really evil mirror poised to smash down on your head.

December Newsletter 2013

December 2013 Newsletter

Vol. 66 Number 202

It's not yet the Night Before Christmas, but it'll be here before you know it. Picture yourself putting together a bicycle with  instructions translated from Mongolian, hoping your husband really wears a size 12 running shoe (they're really hot and you got them on sale and no returns), praying your kid won't grow another size since you snagged the last 4 Tall red coat from Pottery Barn Kids (yep, on sale and you can't return it) and knowing to your feet that the clever cat  toys you got for their stockings will bring on cat sneers and disinterest and you'll be putting them out again next Christmas (because cat toys are never on sale) and finally, praying the expensive perfume you got your sister won't turn to vinegar as it spends three days at the bottom of a pile of boxes in a warehouse in South Florida, without air conditioning.

November Newsletter 2013

November 2013 Newsletter

Vol. 771 No. 550

Happy Thanksgiving:

What do you think if we simply have Hallothanksmas? That way we could put all the decorations up at once and leave them there for three months. Picture my vulture Brett next to Pilgrim family, the Jawarskys, all sitting in the Thanksgiving hay wagon, parked in front of a gorgeous Christmas Tree with owls on it. What a wonderful image! Okay, write your congressperson, let's make this happen. Since new legislation takes time, do not despair. I believe there are 3, count them, 3, football games on Thanksgiving day and evening, maybe even a late show, so hmm, what's not to like here? Gotta think about this some more. You may weigh in while chowing down homemade cranberry sauce.

October Newsletter 2013

October Newsletter 2013

Happy Halloween:

If you're cold blooded, like moi, then you're not particularly happy about the unacceptable temperatures  in San Francisco. It's now been 6 -- count them -- 6 straight weeks of warm gorgeous weather that's keeping everyone, locals and tourists, in shorts, flip flops and big smiles.  Alas, for the cold blooded among us (who are not addicted to blood except maybe on Halloween), I feel strongly this is meteorological discrimination and thus sucketh greatly. After all, this is San Francisco -- usually the land of lovely cold fog billowing through the Golden Gate throughout the summer. But no, this Indian Summer simply won't go away,  so what's a poor cold blooded, non-vampire to do? If you answer, Stop being an idiot, I will not take it under advisement, so be nice and commiserate even though you're probably smirking.

September Newsletter 2013

September Newsletter 2013

Dear Stalwart Readers:

HUGE BIG AMAZING ANNOUNCEMENT: No more anticipating for any of us, it's finally here: THE FINAL CUT, the first international thriller in my A Brit in the FBI series written with J.T. Ellison, comes out Tuesday, September 17th. If you haven't pre-ordered your copy, you may do so now; after you pre-order you need to enter the exciting sweepstakes to win a gorgeous halo diamond pendant (worth $4,800 ). You claim you never win? Think of it like this: someone will win, maybe it'll be your worst enemy or just maybe, it'll be your mother-in-law and there will be eternal peace in the kingdom. See, only good things will happen. To enter, all you have to do is type in  Your fingers are twitching,  so pre-order the book and enter the sweepstakes.

August Newsletter 2013

Vol. 007 No. 009

Last month to have crazy vacation fun with your family. School will be starting soon (and all you parents are doubtless very thrilled about this, counting down the days, excited to buy supplies at Target.) About this last fun gasp, though, I recommend you don't go to Paris since for the entire month of August, the French escape the city to go who knows where for their own holiday.
(They probably go to the south of France because everyone in Cannes or Nice are perpetually on vacation.)